I woke up yesterday morning, at about 4 am, to go pee. Not an unusual occurence considering my state. The strange part was that I couldn't will myself back to sleep because, all of a sudden, I was thinking about a man. Now, before you jump to any conclusions (for all you gutter-brained folk,) I've never met this man.
I almost met this man on the street between Chinatown and the Theater district on Sunday. It was after having lunch in Chinatown with some friends- I was pushing along GMK in her gargantuan stroller with our doggy-bagged soup tucked underneath her seat. As I scanned the sidewalk for large potholes and other obstacles, I caught the gaze of a middle-aged man in very dirty clothes, sitting on the steps of an entryway. He asked in a really soft voice, "Do you have any food?" So soft that I wasn't even sure if he had asked it. Out of old habit (most people ask for money- and I have issues with giving money,) I ignored him, and walked on.
But as I lay awake at 4 in the morning yesterday, I chastised myself. Why didn't I give him that soup? It was a little chilly- he could have used the warmth of the broth. I even had GMK's goldfish crackers he might have liked. And what is it that I was afraid of (Because, ultimately, it's fear that prevented me from stopping?) It's unlikely that he was going to sell the soup for drug money. Maybe it's that I would have had to actually talk to him? Or touch him? I realized that I utterly fell short in this opportunity to be human, let alone a Christian, and failed to meet the needs of another human being asking for very little.
And of course, I'm reminded of the passage in the Bible where Jesus separates the the people at the gates of heaven... pretty much based on whether they had cared for the poor and sick. Not that I don't think I'm going to heaven, but where is the evidence in my life of God's grace?
I'm not trying to be too hard on myself- I'm over it already. I just want to record the moment so I can compare... so I can see the difference God can make in my life through this failure. Hopefully, next time, I'll stop.
3 comments:
whoa.. isn't it funny how those things come back to consciousness? sometimes i think those little instances are a heads up of some sort. that means that God is preparing you for something! in any case, i'm proud of you for thinking it through.
yes, indeed... it becomes too easy sometimes to just look away, esp in this city where there seems to be so many homelessness...
i do hope that i can stop also. it would be an opportunity for our son and daughter to see grace in action. thanks...
i do it all the time too. it's so easy to be hardened and shut-off. but just that you're thinking about it shows that you're more thoughtful than most folks. next time, i'm sure you won't just walk past...
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